Simply Estupido!

So I'm definitely not alone in my total disgust for the food network show Simply Delicioso. I watched the first episode just to see how bad it would be. I think that episode basically involved Ingrid using pre-cut mango and chopping some tomatoes to make mango salsa and pico de gallo. I instantly thought, great we've found the latin / south beach equivalent of the semi-homemade show and turned it off. Since then I've been almost boycotting the food network (save for the excellent competition showcased on The Next Iron Chef, kudos to Michael Symon, he's got some mad skills with flavors and technique). This morning I stumbled upon Simply Delicioso and I just couldn't change the channel, it was the greatest train wreck excuse of a cooking show I've ever seen ... Ingrid burnt a pork tenderloin then said she was going to user her "thongs", not "tongs" to pull this charcoal out of the roasting pan, covered it in a (get this) cola, pineapple and red wine reduction (huuurrrrrrlll). She also BLENDED some steamed cauliflower with milk, sour cream, adobo sauce and salt and pepper; I presume she was trying to make a puree but when she poured it into a bowl it had the consistency of curdled milk. Somehow, between the blending and the serving, it magically transformed into a proper puree. Finally, she nearly lopped her arm off trying to slice a shallot, cutting it into about 6-8 thick slices, mixed it with some dijon mustard and sherry vinegar and covering some green beans. Wow, what was the point of the chunks of shallots? Obviously you'd want to mince the shallot if it's to have any effect on the flavor of the vinaigrette or simply to avoid having your guests gag on something so disproportionately strong to the beans. I kept staring, is someone actually going to eat this crap? Oh yes, Ingrid was serving Sunday family dinner. Man they must love her to endure this I'm thinking as I eagerly anticipated seeing them consume this with the same morbid fascination as watching Kobayashi choke down 54 hot dogs ... ahh but through some clever editing by food network, while I did see her poor guests put some of this junk in their mouths, none of the guests were actually shown swallowing or spitting anything. Good job Food Network, you might take some heat off of Rachel Ray from people who know anything about food, you've finally found somebody worse than Epically Bad.