No More Crying

So for some reason, I'm a total cry baby when it comes to chopping onions or shallots. My wife got me these great goggles, albeit she got the pink ones so she can giggle at me when I wear them. Nonetheless, these little beauties do the job. I've tried all kinds of things to save my eyes, chopping in a specific manner, refrigerating the onions (which I've come to learn does nothing to keep me from crying, but does elevate the sugar levels in the onion to increase caramelization), lighting a candle by the cutting board, etc ... none of which did anything to keep me from tearing up.

These are the googles ...

So I've committed myself to this unitasker, with apologies to Mr. Alton Brown, as it's the only thing that has worked. Their baptism by fire was at the mise en place for Christmas dinner, which entailed finely chopping 20 shallots. I've grabbed them every time since, no crying. They do fog up a bit after 20 shallots, but otherwise no complaints, even if they are pink and I look like a techno raver with an ambiguous sexual orientation.